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Activities

Signing Off

Writing on this website has been a whirlwind. I’ve brought up feelings and emotions I didn’t know I have. Writing ‘My Story’ has definitely empowered me and I would recommend it to anyone. Even if you want to keep it to yourself, it’s your story it is up to you what you do with it. I am hopeful that others will add their stories to this website to encourage a vibrant community of sobriety. I’ve lost count of how many relapses I have had during this process of the website but as I’ve stated this website will not be the fairytale ending people are used to reading. Addiction is cunning and baffling, recovery can be too. I hope I can relate to at least one person out there struggling with addiction, that for me would make all the relapses I […]

Shanley June 30, 2025

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Addiction

Acceptance (Live Typing)

I got back online late yesterday evening, check out ‘Where Gambling Brings Me’ for more info. It’s Friday today and I feel like I need to bring things back to basics. Waking up sober is a luxury I have at the minute, I should be more grateful for that. I can also enjoy coffee and rollies throughout my morning, another thing I can be grateful for. I got access to my electricity meter today, I had believed ESB were wrong in the estimates they gave me but I am wrong. My electricity at present is akin to having a cannabis farm in my house. I cannot get my head around it but I need to accept that my electricity will be approx six hundred and fifty euros for the month of February which is mind blowing. It’s put my life […]

Shanley July 14, 2025

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Addiction

“Mental Tsunamis” (Live Typing)

Good morning, It’s Thursday, it’s good to be alive, it’s even better to be sober. Today is my three week anniversary. I am three weeks without a drink. I also haven’t self-medicated or had a gamble. One of my old ‘acquaintances’ who has been in a relationship with my doorbell has been sent to prison. Slowly my anxiety is starting to subside. Usually I go through a honeymoon period getting sober but with everything that has been going on this time it has been tough. I need to remind myself of how tough daily life is. I'm not sure if there is another recovery in me. I’ve started getting on my knees and praying for help too. This is not for the religious angle rather than me commiting to how powerless I am over my addictions.   I did ‘Recovery […]

Shanley July 14, 2025

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Addiction

Smart Recovery and I (I will be quoting from their literature a lot)

Smart Recovery defines itself as a ‘Self Empowerment’ tool. A lot of us (me included) need to take back some control and self-discipline in our lives. We also need to take responsibility for our actions and choices. Smart helps with all this, it is a four point programme. One of the points in ‘Building & Maintaining Motivation’. Today I am motivated by building this community and also being a disciple to my family. Areas Smart looks at include values, I’m yet to see someone who values their addiction yet it’s the first place a lot of us run to. Lately I have gotten a bit better at asking for help, I hope this is a trend I continue. Other points of the programme include ‘Coping With Urges’, ‘Managing Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviours’ and ‘Living a Balanced Life’. Smart Recovery meetings […]

Shanley July 14, 2025

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Addiction

Meet, Meet, Meet & Share (Live Typing)

It's Tuesday, my morning is off to a good start. Nobody has been to my door in three days and my anxiousness feels like it's turning a corner. Yet I still feel like I need to stay on guard and protect my castle for now. This week is RAG week in Galway, a week of celebration, fundraising and general shenanigans that come with students living in Galway. There was a time this was my favourite week of the year, I’d be out picking drinks up off the street from 10.30 until I was either arrested or brought to hospital. Donegal Tuesday is one of Ireland’s greatest piss-ups. This year will be a paradox to previous years. I’ll attend my Relapse Prevention Group online and I’ll also attend Galway Recovery College online provided I have the courage to turn my lights […]

Shanley July 13, 2025

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Activities

Music to my Ears (Live Typing)

A homeless friend of mine Desmond introduced me to the music of Mike Pozner. One song in particular he introduced me to was an acoustic version of ‘I took a pill in Ibiza’. Mike Poznor proclaims at the beginning about how he is going to ‘live, live, live’. It’s an inspiring piece, it got me thinking of the importance music has played in my recovery and mental health challenges.   Aoife, an addiction counsellor in Bushypark, Ennis once told me of her own recovery and the things she had to sacrifice in the short term to protect her sobriety. Music was one of those things. She didn’t feel strong enough to play music for about eighteen months. (I could be wrong on the timeline) Music can have a negative effect on your recovery and mental health too. One song in […]

Shanley July 13, 2025

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Activities

Think Positive, It’s Monday (Live Typing)

It’s the start of the week, a chance to stick to my weekly SMART goals. I woke up at about 5.30 and went for a run/walk. I'm participating in the Just Run’ Couch to 5k App. It gives me confidence, strength and most importantly my Dopamine fix. I hope to continue this pattern every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I also brushed my teeth and managed to have a shower after my exercise. Stretching in the apartment I felt strong both physically and mentally for the first time this week. I was able to take some control back for my life. I made myself accountable. I also used ‘Habit Stacking’, without going for a run the shower wouldn’t have followed. I’m struggling to wash myself some days, I’m a manic people pleaser really. If I’m due to meet someone I’ll shower […]

Shanley July 12, 2025

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Addiction

Deep, deep, dangerous lows

I believe I first read about ‘deep, deep, dangerous lows’ in ‘Me and my mate Jeffrey’ by Bressie. I think it's something I can relate to a lot. To manage these lows I used to medicate myself with alcohol and gambling, now I have nothing. I have started to download some wellness apps to combat these lows because the day will come where I will have to choose whether to use or find an alternative. Some of the apps I downloaded include ‘Headspace’ and ‘Bend’. I look forward to sharing my journey through the use of these apps in the near future too. Another place I need to be even more vigilant is feeling deep, deep, dangerous highs. Somedays I feel like I’m ready to take over the world. I need to ground myself and keep telling my mind that […]

Shanley July 12, 2025

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Addiction

“God, as we understand Him”

To anyone suffering out there and have difficulties with the ‘God Complex’. In Cuan Mhuire they teach you that ‘You Are Good, You Were Always Good, God Made You Good’    Religion not your thing? Why not try this on for size?    ‘You Are Good, You Were Always Good, Good Orderly Direction Made You Good. orderly /ˈɔːdəli/ Learn to pronounce adjective 1. neatly and methodically arranged. "an orderly arrangement of objects"   I have always been a methodical person so this works for me. But if you can change one thing, be it starting journaling or even having a timetable to stick to it can help.. Personally my methodology is to do the next right thing, take the next right step. And don’t forget there is help out there. Speak with your doctor and try and get a referral […]

Shanley July 12, 2025

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Addiction

Loneliness, a silent killer (Live Typing)

I have to accept that I am a lonely person. I traded some really good friends for a drink and/or gamble. I’ve often thought if I could give this apartment back in exchange for some of the friends I have had I would do it in a heartbeat. Addiction is a lonely place, as I have mentioned before Portugal defines addiction as the opposite of connection. It brings to light the importance of getting out there and going to meetings. As I have also said, sobriety is to be enjoyed. In time I will reach out to my old friends, I want some sobriety behind my belt first however. I’m blessed I have a family I can still reach out to and connect with.   What makes me angry the most is the price of a pint. Not because I’m […]

Shanley July 12, 2025

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Addiction

The Day I’d Walk Out – CM Athy (Reflection)

It’s Monday today. I’m a bit lost for words today. I’m struggling a lot. I’m very irritable and suffer from itchy feet too. I’m fantasizing about leaving a lot. I need to remind myself that I have played the tape forward and leaving doesn’t end well for me. I’m aware now that having no visitors this weekend played with my head. One of my defects of character is that I can be jealous of others. I want what others have. I’m lazy too, not willing to put in the work to get what others have. They say there are no shortcuts in recovery, I need to remind myself of that too. I’m in ‘fight or flight’ mode again. It’s hard to fight this time. I’ve been very honest with myself very early in the programme, possibly too soon. I need […]

Shanley July 11, 2025

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