CM Athy Sunday Reflection (Flashback)

It’s Sunday. As the week draws to an end I am presently giving myself space to reflect. Reflect on what brought me here, how I am today and taking in some SMART goals for the week ahead. In the simplest terms I came here because my life was completely unmanageable. When I left Galway I was in debts of around three thousand euros and had my electricity cut off for not paying it. I was not prepared for the mental torture I put on myself having no electricity. I had no phone, laptop or internet. It made me very suicidal, ironically here in CM Athy I have none of them luxuries yet it is making me content. It just goes to show the power of a good attitude. Without these items I turned to a new scale of drink, drugs and gambling. I couldn’t see a way back. In CM Athy I turned to writing, meditation and self-discipline in order to get a similar high. I know it’s early days but my motivation is slowly coming back to me. I still feel emotionless but I plan on addressing that over the next week by reducing my medication. (This was a terrible idea!) I want to be able to laugh and cry from the heart again. They say in AA “the good thing about recovery is you get your emotions back and the bad thing about recovery is you get your emotions back”. One place or area I need to focus attention on is finding my values. Without them I will continue to feel soulless. I need to dig deep to find out what I truly value. Helping others is a value I’d like to have but do I truly value it? Is that just people pleasing? I can think negative thoughts on people too, if I really valued helping others would this negative pattern be part of my DNA? I definitely value my family but I certainly don’t show it. I take advantage of how much my family values me. It’s something I look forward to looking at throughout the day and week.