Loneliness, a silent killer (Live Typing)

I have to accept that I am a lonely person. I traded some really good friends for a drink and/or gamble. I’ve often thought if I could give this apartment back in exchange for some of the friends I have had I would do it in a heartbeat. Addiction is a lonely place, as I have mentioned before Portugal defines addiction as the opposite of connection. It brings to light the importance of getting out there and going to meetings. As I have also said, sobriety is to be enjoyed. In time I will reach out to my old friends, I want some sobriety behind my belt first however. I’m blessed I have a family I can still reach out to and connect with.

What makes me angry the most is the price of a pint. Not because I’m an alcoholic (I wouldn’t get served in a pub in Galway anyways) but because of the pensioner. The pensioner is no longer in a position to go to the pub and connect with others. I have seen first hand the growth of pensioners drinking cans in Eyre Square because they simply cannot afford the price of a pint. I’m sure this is a nationwide problem that needs addressing.

I have turned to fantasizing a lot to get me through the day, it has enabled me to live without connection. I’m in a peculiar position lately too that I no longer want to leave my apartment because I don’t feel safe back on the streets. I am living in an illusion, some of it can come true if I stay sober however. In CM they would call this ‘Imaginative Function’. I’ve never wanted to live in the real world. It has come at a great cost, I have never really been on holidays, I have never had a girlfriend and as I mentioned I traded most of my friends for a drink or gamble.