CM Two Week Anniversary (Flashback)

I made it to my Cuan Mhuire two week anniversary. Things have taken a step up from last week. This week includes work therapy, I’m in the kitchen. It also includes eight meetings on alcohol and gambling too. This week’s topic is ‘The Blindness of Addiction.’ My morning was spent peeling potatoes, it was tedious and I could not imagine myself doing it for ten weeks. It was the beginning of my first wobble. Then like seeing the sunrise I managed to get it into my head that I could manage it for today. And I did. Everybody enjoyed the dinner too. Maybe I’ll even be able to do it tomorrow again too. It was very similar to the twelve step program of AA and GA. Thinking I’ll never drink or gamble for the rest of my life is a massive undertaking. AA & GA are a one day at a time program. They say the most sober person in the room is whomever got out of bed the earliest. Today I won’t pick up a drink or gamble and I’m happy with that. Just for today. (AA & GA Slogan)

Tim also spoke about the importance of Steps one to four and the need for working a program. Step four is about making a fearless moral inventory of yourself. It sounds daunting. I don’t need to worry about that for a while, I do need to remind myself that that day will end however. Other things I enjoyed today included meditation.

It’s funny how the mind can go. My Mother missed my phone call today. It brought back feelings of anxiety, fear, anger and sadness. As my mind catastrophized in my head I was going to disown my family. Who would lose out? Me. I need to learn new skills in dealing with events that are out of my hands, that I cannot control. Something so simple could allow me to sabotage my program. The reality is I have too much of a dependence on her, I always have. I have often envied the relationship my second eldest brother has with her. I definitely need to set some boundaries in our relationship so she can live happily and I can live contently.