{"id":877,"date":"2025-07-02T11:18:29","date_gmt":"2025-07-02T10:18:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/?p=877"},"modified":"2025-07-02T11:18:29","modified_gmt":"2025-07-02T10:18:29","slug":"i-just-want-one-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/index.php\/2025\/07\/02\/i-just-want-one-more\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cI just want \u2018one\u2019 more\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In two more days I\u2019ll be three weeks sober. As I write this I realise I\u2019m lying to myself. My last gamble was Saturday therefore Sunday is my real sober day and today is only Wednesday. Addiction comes in many shapes and sizes. For me my core addictions are Self-Sabotage, Alcohol, Chaos, Drama, Gambling, Porn and many others I take for granted. Maybe I\u2019m addicted to attention too.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m writing this from Cuan Mhuire, Athy. I spent the guts of two and a half weeks in the Acute Adult Mental Health Unit prior to this. I\u2019m here because my life has become completely unmanageable. I\u2019m struggling at present to connect with others in the same boat as me. I often wonder if I am on too much or too little prescribed medication. I fear daily that I won\u2019t be accepted here. Imposter syndrome is at a high. Currently I\u2019m considering my options. \u201cShould I stay or should I go now\u201d This is my seventh treatment of which I have only completed one. I\u2019m depressed and agitated. I question everyday am I one of the few who are mentally incapable of grasping a simple twelve step programme.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today I\u2019m willing to admit that I\u2019m powerless over my addictions and that my life has become completely unmanageable. Maybe that is enough for now. I\u2019m also willing to admit that I need help and have put my family and frontline workers through enough. They say if you&#8217;re not here for yourself there is no point. Truthfully I don\u2019t believe I\u2019m here for myself. I\u2019m a people pleaser by nature. Right now I\u2019m here for my family, frontline workers, legal, housing and financial reasons. I\u2019m here to give everybody a break. Hopefully in time I\u2019ll be here for myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I do believe there is another drink or two in me. Possibly a gamble or three too. But at what cost? My mental health is gone to shit, my life is miserable, I have no friends. The only social connections I have are in institutions, why am I so afraid of social spaces such as AA and Smart Recovery? Why can\u2019t I commit to this twelve week programme? Can I come to believe that I deserve sobriety in my life? That I\u2019m worthy of some peace of mind and serenity?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>In two more days I\u2019ll be three weeks sober. As I write this I realise I\u2019m lying to myself. My last gamble was Saturday therefore Sunday is my real sober day and today is only Wednesday. Addiction comes in many shapes and sizes. For me my core addictions are Self-Sabotage, ...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":892,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"single-style-5.php","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[60,52,65,67,63,21,53,62],"tags":[22,23,24,25,26],"class_list":["post-877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-cmathy","category-cuanmhuire","category-livingsober","category-mentalhealth","category-mystory","category-ourstories","category-reflections","tag-alcohol","tag-chaos","tag-drama","tag-gambling","tag-porn"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>\u201cI just want \u2018one\u2019 more\u201d - Sober.ie V1.3<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In two more days I\u2019ll be three weeks sober. As I write this I realise I\u2019m lying to myself. 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