{"id":1166,"date":"2025-07-11T23:22:28","date_gmt":"2025-07-11T22:22:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/?p=1166"},"modified":"2025-07-11T23:22:28","modified_gmt":"2025-07-11T22:22:28","slug":"the-day-id-walk-out-cm-athy-reflection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/index.php\/2025\/07\/11\/the-day-id-walk-out-cm-athy-reflection\/","title":{"rendered":"The Day I\u2019d Walk Out &#8211; CM Athy (Reflection)"},"content":{"rendered":"<span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s Monday today. I\u2019m a bit lost for words today. I\u2019m struggling a lot. I\u2019m very irritable and suffer from itchy feet too. I\u2019m fantasizing about leaving a lot. I need to remind myself that I have played the tape forward and leaving doesn\u2019t end well for me. I\u2019m aware now that having no visitors this weekend played with my head. One of my defects of character is that I can be jealous of others. I want what others have. I\u2019m lazy too, not willing to put in the work to get what others have. They say there are no shortcuts in recovery, I need to remind myself of that too. I\u2019m in \u2018fight or flight\u2019 mode again. It\u2019s hard to fight this time. I\u2019ve been very honest with myself very early in the programme, possibly too soon. I need to remind myself too that the things I\u2019m thinking about now are Step Four thinking, I\u2019m only on Step One. Coming to accept that my life is unmanageable is where my focus should be. I\u2019ve done things I\u2019m not proud of but now isn\u2019t the time to go there. This has all come to darkness because I\u2019m so used to following the herd. If three people walked out today I\u2019d probably follow them. I feel like I have no identity. All it took was a suggestion to meet the resident priest and I\u2019ve been fixated on it since. Listing out my sins I have allowed evil to spur inside me once again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today I will ask for help, that will be a first for me. I will fight my addiction, this past six weeks my addiction hasn\u2019t gone anywhere, it\u2019s been in the back of my mind doing push ups, just waiting for me to self-sabotage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Starting a new life remains a need for me. I have everything I ever wanted today; sobriety, a home, family and friends in the rooms too. It was suggested yesterday that all I have to do with my old acquaintances is invite them to prayer or a meeting, they won\u2019t be long running from me then. One thing I could relate a lot to in our literature today is \u2018Even in a dim way to be looking forward to becoming the person deep down you always knew you could be\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I look forward to reaching my potential. My biggest problem at the moment is I\u2019m trying to build a house with no foundation. My time in Cuan Mhuire is my foundation, I need to remember that.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>It\u2019s Monday today. I\u2019m a bit lost for words today. I\u2019m struggling a lot. I\u2019m very irritable and suffer from itchy feet too. I\u2019m fantasizing about leaving a lot. I need to remind myself that I have played the tape forward and leaving doesn\u2019t end well for me. I\u2019m aware ...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":931,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[60,52,65,63,62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-cmathy","category-cuanmhuire","category-mentalhealth","category-reflections"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Day I\u2019d Walk Out - CM Athy (Reflection) - Sober.ie V1.3<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019m struggling a lot. I\u2019m very irritable and suffer from itchy feet too. 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