{"id":1120,"date":"2025-07-06T05:36:55","date_gmt":"2025-07-06T04:36:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/?p=1120"},"modified":"2025-07-06T05:36:55","modified_gmt":"2025-07-06T04:36:55","slug":"new-horizons-full-of-anxiety-live-typing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sober.ie\/index.php\/2025\/07\/06\/new-horizons-full-of-anxiety-live-typing\/","title":{"rendered":"New horizons full of anxiety (Live Typing)"},"content":{"rendered":"<span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 3<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today is my first day of sobriety. I\u2019m writing this to relieve some of my anxiety. I felt great freedom when I woke up this morning, no longer a slave to addiction. I listened to the radio, had a few cigarettes and copious amounts of coffee. (Yes, I\u2019m addicted to cigarettes and coffee too)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I put some plans in place for this website about how I\u2019m going to build it honestly, not from the winnings of gambling but by saving. I fear saving, I often fear relapse and having savings would multiply the relapse. My local shop serves me wine at eight in the morning, if I had savings I could see myself on monthly binges rather than weekly. I would continue to drink until my savings were gone, then I would turn to begging again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I have an uncomfortable few weeks ahead of me. At present I don\u2019t feel safe in my own home. I\u2019ve been researching camera systems for my house, at least if I was to be stabbed in my own home or my life was taken from me it would be on CCTV in the cloud. It\u2019s pretty grim thinking but I reality because of the choices I made whilst in addiction. My word for the day is Time. I need to give everything time. I cannot afford my camera system until Saturday at the earliest and it\u2019s only Sunday. I\u2019ll struggle to live off twenty euro for food, I hope the special buys in Aldi are good next week. But it will be worth it, I\u2019ll be able to turn my bedroom into a fortress. My addiction counsellor Tom told me when I first moved in to treat my home like I would a castle. I wish I had listened. Now every homeless Tom, Dick &amp; Harry feel they are welcome in my home, I don\u2019t want that anymore. I need to thank Maureen &amp; Respond for not turfing me out of my home. I have not been the best of tenants, but they have given me chances time and time again. It&#8217;s time to repay those chances by being a good tenant. Galway Simon, Dr. Bainbridge &amp; Team, Cope Galway, Housing First and Galvia Medical centre have given me many chances too. Thank you. Thank you all. I do believe I can start making living amends to you all. One day at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m overthinking a lot recently, catastrophizing too. I\u2019m overwhelmed by the evil that is out in the world. I just bumped into a neighbour who warned me that a certain group of people are on the prowl. I have regrets too, I wish I hadn\u2019t gambled all my money but rather bought my CCTV system. I feel my door is going to be broke down every minute of every day. I have a week full of fear ahead of me and no cape to hide under. There will be no drugging, drinking or gambling. I need to push through the mental pain I\u2019m experiencing at present. I have lived in fear for a long time. I wish I was strong, able to stand up for myself. If I owned a pair of boots I\u2019d quiver in them. I\u2019m even starting to debate whether or not to show up to my meetings next week or put them off for another week.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ve just had yet another coffee, I reflected on last week. I was at a meeting on Tuesday. One man at the meeting is struggling to get social welfare. He literally has nothing. It makes me angry at myself. This man can\u2019t even afford a pouch of tobacco yet I can blow one hundred and fifty euros on escapism gambling. I need to start putting a value on money, it doesn\u2019t grow on trees and the sooner I start to respect it the better. I was given a free bet today for gambling so much, I haven\u2019t even used it, I won\u2019t either. I feel proud about that. I have even gone as far as to move them into the junk folder of my inbox.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is me signing off for the day, bet free and alcohol free. My anxiety is still high. I still feel sick with fear but I\u2019m hoping this is just a symptom of early sobriety. The day has been long without a gamble, I\u2019m blessed to have this blog to get me through the day. I\u2019m blessed with a lot of things really, gratitude is what I need. I\u2019ve decided that tomorrow I will begin my couch to 5k, I want to make running part of my recovery. Recovery is to be enjoyed, I have often stated that if I wasn\u2019t enjoying sobriety I might as well keep drinking and gambling so only time will tell. I wrote some business plans today too to give me some SMART goals for this website. My final note today is I probably need to slow down a bit, as a publican once said to a friend of mine \u2018This is a marathon, not a sprint\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 3<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>Today is my first day of sobriety. I\u2019m writing this to relieve some of my anxiety. I felt great freedom when I woke up this morning, no longer a slave to addiction. I listened to the radio, had a few cigarettes and copious amounts of coffee. (Yes, I\u2019m addicted to ...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":920,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[60,61,66,50,67,63,21,53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1120","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-fastforward","category-homelessness","category-livetyping","category-livingsober","category-mentalhealth","category-mystory","category-ourstories"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>New horizons full of anxiety (Live Typing) - Sober.ie V1.3<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I put some plans in place for this website about how I\u2019m going to build it honestly, not from the winnings of gambling.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sober.ie\/index.php\/2025\/06\/11\/new-horizons-full-of-anxiety-live-typing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"New horizons full of anxiety (Live Typing) - 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