Unable to cry (Flashback)

I wanted to cry today but no tears would come out. I believe it could be a consequence of the medication I’m on. I‘m (not) crying out for help I probably won’t receive. It could be a result of being in the homeless system for so long too. I built a thick skin and a resilience to emotions during those days. I would not show that I was afraid, sad and lonely. It was easier to pick up a drink or have a gamble. It was easier to congregate with other homeless who were sad and lonely too. At times I can feel a numbness throughout my body and mind, like I have no soul. I have felt soulless since as long as I can remember, even prior to alcohol or gambling being in the picture. Can I continue like this? I don’t know.