“My new life needs self-discipline”

Today has been a good day so far. The sun is splitting the rocks yet I’m inside in my dorm writing this. I didn’t feel like reaching out to my journal today but I remembered the importance of self-discipline. The person acting the maggot in the group yesterday has improved greatly too. I’m grateful today, I’m away from all the chaos that comes with street drinking. I don’t need to worry about being bullied or taken advantage of, that in itself brings huge relief. I’m starting to add some self-care to my routine too, like brushing my teeth twice a day, something most people would take for granted. It’s insane how much my personal hygiene deteriorates in addiction. I can go weeks without washing myself. My new life needs self-discipline, I need to be a disciple to myself. (I think I stole that one from Cuan Mhuire Coolarne.) I’m up to my eyeballs with budgets and forecasts and it’s only week two. Week one was a time for self loathing where for me week two has been about the art of distraction. Not allowing me to get inside my head too much. Now I’m reflecting on the means an addict will go to to get their fix. I’m yet to meet a stupid addict. The lengths and means I went through to gamble and drink. It was a full time job. Mentally I was working overtime, I still am. The only difference is now I’m not torturing myself daily but rather putting and making a serious effort into recovery. Now I need to focus on giving myself time. Addicts in particular want or feel the need to get better overnight. As I mentioned before, the forest. (Thanks again Coolarne) Personally I’m guilty of wanting things now.