Flashback to Cuan Mhuire Athy Day 7

It’s day seven in Cuan Mhuire. I feel run down. I’m catching a cold or flu or something. I’m drained, twelve years in and out of homeless services and I never even contracted a sore throat before. It’s been a good day though. I’m more approachable now. I have been moved from the detox unit to the main residential accommodation too. It’s another step on the ladder. It’s nice to see pictures of Sr. Consilio throughout the building. She’s an inspiration. She built these residential centres throughout Ireland where addicts from all over the world can come to better themselves. One characteristic I believe I share with Sr. Consilio is having empathy. It can be my downfall too. I’m very close to losing my home because of it. I’ve often back brought addicts and persons unfortunate enough to be homeless to my home but that has to stop. They say this is a selfish program, it’s about time I started to put myself first. Maybe I should start inviting people to ring Cuan Mhuire rather than my home. This is actually the first time in over a year I’ve called it my home. I need to make it more homely too. Everything in my apartment is hand me downs, I haven’t put a lick of paint nor a picture on the walls. If I make the right decisions on a daily basis that apartment is mine for life. But I know deep down that losing the apartment is only an arms length away. 

Ending up back in the Fairgreen or Abbey House is only an arms length away too. I need to find sobriety before I lose everything. I’m also grateful today that people haven’t given up on me, that services I avail of are so non-judgemental and ready to help if I ask for it. My pride can get in the way of that sometimes.