Fast Forward / As For Today

Addiction CM Athy Cuan Mhuire Fast Forward Living Sober Mental Health My Story Our Stories Reflections

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It’s safe to say it’s been a long time since I enjoyed a drink or drug. I still allow myself a small gamble on a Saturday, I’m by no means perfect. Over the last five years my mental health has deteriorated significantly, I have become Galway’s answer to the boy who cried wolf. I’ve had some suicide attempts over the last ten years, some serious but a lot wouldn’t have been. I’ve self-harmed too. I have a dangerous obsession with suicide and it does be at its worse when I’m drinking. I’m constantly gambling with my life. The truth is I’ve tried living and it’s just not for me. Not living in addiction anyways. I’m willing at present to learn how to live sober. I’m a burden to A&E, MHU and ambulances. They have always been very friendly, approachable and understanding. I hope soon to wake up with a desire to live. To live sober. Head councillor Martin Gavin of Cuan Mhuire Coolarne once told me ‘if it took you 25 years to walk into the forest it will take you 25 years to walk back out’. That’s where I’m at at present. Gratefully trying to walk out of the forest one day at a time.

At present I’m 35. My mental & physical health is improving. I’m blessed to have a roof over my head thanks to the hard work of Galway Simon, Cope Galway, Housing First and Respond. I’m sober from drinking & drugs today. I still have a lot of flaws to work on. My behaviour isn’t that of a housed 35 year old. I was once told that the brain can stop developing the minute you pick up a drink. I believe that has happened to me. There are weeks that I still act like a 15 year old. I’m a long way from considering myself independent. When I drink not only am I the boy who cried wolf but I’m also the village idiot. (The next time I beg for the price of a can of Linden Village throw an apple at me instead) As I have stated before I have a lot of growing up to do but luckily I have made it alive to a place where I can change nobody but myself.

As For Today

To be honest today is my last day of a librium detox, Christmas was too hard for me to cope. I had no coping mechanisms though, no meetings and I wouldn’t reach out for help. I finally reached out to Housing First’s Sharon for help last Tuesday, I’m hoping it will change my life for good. Housing First is an integral part of my life now, I can be a proud man yet I know deep inside I need the help of services such as Galway Simon, Cope Galway and the Acute Adult Mental Health Team. I’m also blessed to have the support of an understanding, empathetic family, someday I hope they reap the rewards of investing their care, love and faith in me.