Choosing Friends Wisely

To this day I would consider myself popular around the homeless and alcoholic scenes. Fundamentally this is because I’m a people pleaser, I give money and drink to others’ and have an inability to say no. Since I got sober I have realised I have no friend’s really. I traded them for a bottle. Since being housed too it has come with its own obstacles. A lot of people have asked to stay over, to party here too. Regretfully I let them. My pride doesn’t help either. I hate being defined as vulnerable yet that is exactly what I am. These so-called friends are the reason I have ended up in Beaumont hospital and University Hospital Galway.

I’m looking forward to making new connections, I’m looking forward to reigniting old friendships too. Afterall it’s nearly tennis season and I can’t play by myself. I am literally just after reading the Galway Advertiser, there was a section today on the tech scene in Galway. On collaborations, they wrote about the tech environments we have on offer. If I continue to hang out with the homeless I will too become homeless, the day will come that I get one warning too many. If I continue to hang out with alcoholics the day will come too that I will pick up a drink. Hanging out with other gamblers is out of the question too.

In addiction we tend to distance ourselves from those who love us the most. I have had some amazing friendships in the past but I took the decision to distance myself from them. I know now that it was down to disconnection. I disconnected from everything in life. I chose a lifestyle that provided ample time and money to drink and gamble. Homelessness is the best thing in the world for an alcoholic or gambler. For seventy euros a week you can be provided with top homelessness support, dinners, a bed at night and much much more. I never missed my rent in homeless services, the fact is the rate was too good to be true yet it was. If I was earning two hundred and forty four euros a week I would be left with one hundred and seventy euros to do with what I please. In my case drinking and gambling.

I now hope to commit to three meetings a week where I will try my damndest to connect with others’. Spark new friendships in the process too. I could relate so much to the speaker at the last meeting I went to. I could genuinely see myself sparking a friendship with him some day. But that will only happen if I ‘Keep Coming Back’ as they also say in meetings and stay sober. As they say in AA ‘Stick with the winners’